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Confronting the future and planning for end-of-life care is one of the most profound acts of love we can undertake—for ourselves and for our families. The Five Wishes document is a powerful tool that helps you articulate your preferences for medical and personal care, ensuring your voice is heard even if you cannot speak for yourself. It’s a conversation starter, a legal document, and a gift of clarity for your loved ones during a difficult time.
This guide is designed to be a gentle companion as you consider your own five wishes. Think of it not as a list of rules, but as a collection of heartfelt prompts to help you discover and express what truly matters to you. Below are collections of "wishes" to inspire your own reflections as you fill out your free 5 Wishes document, transforming it from a simple form into a true testament to your life and values.
Wishes for Your Personal Comfort
This is about the non-medical things that soothe your soul. Think about your five senses and what brings you a feeling of peace and home. Your comfort is about more than just managing pain; it's about nurturing your spirit.
1. I wish to have my favorite soft blanket with me, the one with the worn-out edges that smells like home.
2. I wish for someone to play classical music softly in my room, especially pieces by Chopin or Debussy.
3. I wish to have photos of my family, especially my grandchildren and my wedding day, placed where I can see them.
4. I wish for the window to be opened for a few minutes each day, if possible, so I can feel fresh air and sunshine on my skin.
5. I wish for someone to hold my hand. I find great comfort in simple, quiet human touch.
6. I wish to have my favorite lotion (lavender-scented) used on my hands and feet.
7. I wish for the television to be turned off, and instead, for someone to read to me from my favorite book of poems or the daily newspaper.
8. I wish to have a single, fresh flower in a small vase by my bedside, if possible.
9. I wish for my room to be kept quiet and calm, with gentle lighting.
10. I wish to be kept clean and well-groomed, to help me maintain my sense of dignity.
Wishes for How You Want to Be Treated
This section is about your dignity, your spirit, and how you want to be seen and interacted with as a person, not just a patient.
1. I wish for people to speak directly to me, even if they think I cannot hear or understand.
2. I wish for my friends and family to share happy memories and stories with me, to fill the room with laughter and love.
3. I wish for my spiritual or religious beliefs to be respected, with prayers said with me or for me, according to my faith.
4. I wish for people to not be afraid to cry in front of me. Your honest emotions are a gift.
5. I wish to be told what is happening with my care in a gentle but honest way.
6. I wish for my privacy to be respected at all times.
7. I wish for someone to remember to talk about the things I loved—my garden, my favorite sports team, my passion for history.
8. I wish for my chosen healthcare agent to be treated as my primary voice and partner in all decisions.
9. I wish to die at home, if possible, in my own bed and in a peaceful environment.
10. I wish for people to sit with me in silence if they don't know what to say. Your presence is enough.
Messages of Love and Guidance for Your Family
This is your chance to leave a final, loving message. It’s a space for forgiveness, gratitude, and reassurance. Think about what you would want your loved ones to hear and hold onto.
1. Please know how much I loved each and every one of you. My life was made beautiful because you were in it.
2. I want you to live your lives to the fullest. Do not let grief hold you back; let my memory push you forward toward joy.
3. Forgive each other, and forgive me for my shortcomings. Hold onto love, not resentment.
4. Please do not argue over me or my belongings. The greatest inheritance I can leave you is your love for one another.
5. Remember the good times. Tell the funny stories. Celebrate my life with joy and laughter, not just with tears.
6. Thank you for everything. For your care, your patience, and your love. It was the greatest gift I ever received.
7. I am at peace with my decisions, and I want you to be at peace, too.
8. Look after each other. Your strength is in your bond as a family.
9. I believe that love is eternal, and I will be watching over you always.
10. I am not afraid, and I don't want you to be afraid either.
Starting the Conversation with Your Healthcare Agent
Choosing the person who will make medical decisions for you (your healthcare agent or proxy) is a critical step. Asking them is a significant request. Here are some gentle ways to begin that important conversation.
1. "I'm working on my advance directive, and it's really important to me. Your name came to my heart first. Would you be willing to talk with me about being my healthcare agent?"
2. "I trust your judgment more than anyone's. I'm filling out my Five Wishes document, and I would be honored if you would be the person to make sure my wishes are followed."
3. "This is a little difficult to talk about, but I know it's important. Could we set aside some time to discuss my wishes for future medical care? I'd like to ask you to play a special role."
4. "I know that you will always fight for what's best for me and respect my values. That’s why I want to ask if you would be my healthcare proxy."
5. "I'm making some plans to ensure my family isn't burdened with difficult decisions later on. As part of that, I need to name someone to speak for me. Can I walk you through what I’ve written and ask for your help?"
6. "This role involves making sure my personal and medical wishes are honored if I can't speak for myself. It’s a big responsibility, and I would completely understand if you need time to think about it, but I hope you’ll consider it."
7. "Reading through this document, I realized the most important part is choosing a person who truly gets me. You get me. Would you be my advocate?"
Clarifying Your Medical Treatment Preferences
This is the most clinical part of the document, but it can be expressed with personal clarity. Your goal is to give your healthcare agent and doctors clear guidance about life-support and other treatments.
1. "I do not want to be kept alive by machines if my doctors believe I will not recover my ability to know who I am and who I am with."
2. "My wish is for comfort care (palliative care). I want my pain to be managed aggressively, even if it means I am drowsy or sleep more."
3. "I want my doctors to try all available treatments, including life support, for a reasonable period of time to see if my condition can be improved."
4. "If I am in a permanent vegetative state or have a terminal condition with no hope of recovery, I do not wish to have artificial nutrition or hydration (tube feeding)."
5. "I wish to receive all medical care necessary to keep me comfortable and clean, but I do not want treatments that serve only to prolong the dying process."
6. "Please consult with my primary doctor and my healthcare agent, and let their shared judgment guide my treatment based on the values I've expressed here."
7. "I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of a long, drawn-out dying process where I have no quality of life. Please prioritize my peace over prolonging my life."
8. "I am willing to try short-term use of a breathing machine if there is a chance of recovery, but I do not want to be on one permanently."
### A Final Thought
The wishes and phrases in this guide are a starting point. The true power of your Five Wishes document comes from your own heart and your own words. Take the time to think, to feel, and to write down what is uniquely important to you. Share it with your loved ones. This act of planning is not about ending a life, but about honoring the one you have lived.