A will or a trust is a powerful legal document that outlines the "what," "who," and "when" of your estate. It's the essential blueprint for distributing your assets. But what about the "why"? What about the stories, values, and personal sentiments that a formal document can't capture? This is where a letter of wishes comes in. It’s a deeply personal, non-legally binding companion to your will, offering guidance, love, and context for the people you leave behind.
Writing this letter can feel daunting, but it is one of the most profound gifts you can give your loved ones. It’s your voice, preserved in time, offering comfort and clarity when they need it most. Whether you're explaining why a certain heirloom is so special, sharing hopes for your children's futures, or outlining your memorial preferences, this guide will provide examples to help you articulate your heart's truest intentions.
For the Guardians: Guiding Your Children's Future
This section is for those you’ve entrusted with the immense responsibility of raising your children. It’s your chance to share your parenting philosophy, values, and the little things that make your family unique.
1. Please tell them every single day that they were, and are, the center of our universe. Let them never doubt for a moment how deeply and completely they are loved.
2. We hope you will raise them in a home filled with laughter, books, and music. Encourage their curiosity, even when it’s messy.
3. Uphold our family traditions, especially [mention specific tradition, e.g., making pancakes on Saturday mornings, or reading a specific story on their birthday]. These rituals are the threads that will keep them connected to us.
4. When it comes to education, we value creativity and kindness as much as grades. Please help them find what they are passionate about and support them in that pursuit, whatever it may be.
5. We ask that you help them build a strong relationship with [mention specific family member, e.g., my sister, their aunt]. Family is their anchor, and they will need that connection more than ever.
6. Discipline with love and patience. Our philosophy was always to explain the 'why' behind a rule, to foster understanding rather than fear.
7. Please save all of their artwork and school projects. One day, they will be priceless treasures. We have a box labeled "Childhood Memories" started for them in the attic.
8. Encourage them to be adventurous—to travel, to try new foods, and to be open to people from all walks of life. We always wanted them to see the beauty and diversity of the world.
9. When they are old enough, please share our photo albums with them. Tell them the stories behind the pictures, so we are more than just fading memories.
10. Above all, thank you. We chose you because we trust your heart, your judgment, and your love. You are giving them the gift of a future, and for that, we are eternally grateful.
The Stories Behind the Heirlooms: Explaining Personal Bequests
Your will might state who gets what, but this letter explains the sentimental value that makes an object a true heirloom.
1. To my daughter, I leave my wedding ring. It isn't the most expensive piece of jewelry I own, but it symbolizes the enduring love that created our family. May it be a reminder that love is the strongest legacy of all.
2. My collection of vinyl records goes to my son. We spent countless hours listening to these albums together, from The Beatles to David Bowie. I hope that whenever you play one, you’ll remember those moments and feel me sitting right there with you.
3. The old, worn-out armchair in the study should go to my brother. It may seem like an odd request, but that is the chair where we hatched all our wildest dreams as kids. It’s a throne of memories.
4. For my niece, I'm leaving my set of paintbrushes. She has the artist's soul I always admired. I hope she uses them to create a world more beautiful than the one she was given.
5. My grandfather’s pocket watch is for my grandson. It hasn’t kept perfect time in years, but it’s a reminder that the value of our time is measured in moments and memories, not just minutes and hours.
6. I've left my recipe box for my best friend. It contains more than just instructions for food; it holds the laughter, secrets, and tears we shared over a hot stove and a good meal. Please make my famous lasagna for your family and think of me.
7. The cedar chest at the foot of my bed is for my granddaughter. It contains my journals from when I was her age. I want her to know that I, too, was once young, full of doubts and dreams, and that she is not alone on her journey.
A Legacy of Love: Sharing Life Advice and Core Values
This is where you distill your life’s wisdom. What do you want your loved ones to carry with them forever?
1. Be kind, first and foremost. Be kind to others, but especially be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can.
2. Don't be afraid to fail. Failure isn't the opposite of success; it's a part of it. It’s life’s greatest teacher.
3. Choose your partner with your heart, but listen to your head. The best love is a partnership built on respect, laughter, and unwavering support during the hard times.
4. Travel. See the world beyond your hometown. It will open your mind and heart in ways you can't imagine.
5. Read voraciously. Books are a conversation with the greatest minds in history. They are a gateway to empathy and understanding.
6. Work hard at something you care about, but never let your job define you. Your worth is measured by your character, not your title.
7. Forgive easily. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let it go for your own peace.
8. Find joy in the small things: the warmth of the sun on your face, the perfect cup of coffee, the sound of rain on the roof. Life is a collection of these tiny, beautiful moments.
Celebrating a Life: Wishes for Your Memorial or Funeral
Relieve your family of the burden of guessing by outlining the kind of farewell you’d like.
1. I ask for a celebration of life, not a somber funeral. I would love for people to share funny, happy stories rather than focusing on sadness.
2. Please play my favorite music. I’ve created a playlist titled "My Farewell Tour" on Spotify. I'd especially love for "Here Comes The Sun" by The Beatles to be played.
3. In lieu of flowers, I would be honored if donations were made to [Name of Charity], a cause that has always been incredibly important to me.
4. I have always loved the ocean. If possible, I would like my ashes to be scattered at [Specific Location]. It’s where I have always felt most at peace.
5. Please don't feel obligated to have an open casket. I would prefer people remember me as I was in life—laughing, living, and full of energy.
6. I would love for my favorite poem, ["Poem Title" by Poet Name], to be read during the service. Its words have always brought me great comfort.
7. Wear color! I lived my life as brightly as I could, and I’d love for my final party to reflect that joy. No need for a sea of black.
8. After the service, please have a gathering with good food and even better wine. Toast to the good times, tell tall tales, and hug each other tightly. That would be the greatest tribute of all.
The Modern Farewell: Instructions for Your Digital Legacy
In today's world, our lives are also stored online. This section provides clarity on what to do with your digital footprint.
1. I would like my Facebook profile to be memorialized. Please do not delete it. I hope it can be a place for friends and family to share memories for years to come.
2. My password manager contains the keys to everything. The master password is in the sealed envelope with my executor. Please use this to access and close my financial and utility accounts.
3. My photo cloud ([e.g., Google Photos, iCloud]) contains decades of family pictures. I ask that you download all of them and create a backup for the children. This is our visual history.
4. Please shut down my professional accounts like LinkedIn and delete my personal blog, [Blog Name]. My professional life is concluded, and my personal thoughts are in my journals.
5. I have several subscription services that will need to be canceled. You can find a list of them, along with my email accounts, in the "Digital" folder on my computer.
6. My email account can be closed after you've ensured all necessary contacts have been notified and important documents have been saved.
7. If anyone sends messages to my accounts after my passing, please respond with a simple, kind message informing them. There is a drafted message in the same "Digital" folder.
### Your Final, Personal Touch
The examples above are a starting point, a spark to ignite your own thoughts. The most powerful letter of wishes will be the one that sounds unequivocally like you. Use your own voice, share your own stories, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable. This letter is your final love song to the world and the people who made your life a masterpiece. Write from the heart, and you can’t go wrong.