### Keyword Analysis
- Keyword: "things i wish i put in my divorce decree"
- Occasion: This is not a celebratory or single-event occasion. It's a reflective, post-mortem moment following a major life event (divorce). The "occasion" is the period of hindsight, where lessons are learned and advice is formed, often out of frustration or regret. It’s a moment of sharing wisdom gained through difficult experience.
- Tone: The tone must be a careful blend. It's primarily pragmatic and informative, offering practical advice. However, it must be delivered with an empathetic, supportive, and relatable voice. It should feel like advice from a wise friend who has been through it, not a bitter ex or a dry legal expert. A touch of wry, knowing humor can be used to make the heavy topic more digestible. The overall goal is to be empowering and forward-looking.
- Recipient: The intended reader is someone currently contemplating or going through a divorce. They are likely feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and emotionally drained. The article serves as a "look-ahead" guide to help them avoid future conflicts and regrets.
### Invented Categories
1. The Little Things That Become Big Things: Sentimental & Digital Assets
2. Future-Proofing Your Co-Parenting Plan
3. Creating a Truly Clean Financial Break
4. Setting Boundaries for Post-Divorce Peace
5. The "What If?" Clauses: Planning for Life's Curveballs
A Letter to My Past Self: 50+ Things I Wish I'd Put in My Divorce Decree
Going through a divorce can feel like trying to navigate a thick fog. You're focused on the big landmarks—custody, the house, the main bank account—just trying to get to the other side. But once the fog clears, you might find a landscape littered with small, annoying, and sometimes costly details you never thought to address. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.
This list is the 20/20 vision I wish I’d had. It’s born from the "if only I had known" moments that followed my own separation. Think of this not as a legal document, but as a conversation with a friend who's been there. It’s a collection of wishes, reminders, and "don't forget this!" notes to help you build a decree that protects your peace, your finances, and your sanity for years to come.
The Little Things That Become Big Things: Sentimental & Digital Assets
You've divided the furniture, but what about the things that don't have a clear price tag? These are the items that can cause surprisingly bitter disputes down the road.
1. A plan for family photos: A clause for who gets the physical albums and a deadline for digitizing all photos, including who pays for the service and who gets master copies of the digital files.
2. Splitting streaming service passwords and costs: A clear date when all shared accounts (Netflix, Spotify, Amazon Prime) will be separated and individuals will be responsible for their own.
3. Ownership of "the cloud": Who gets control of the shared Apple or Google account with years of backed-up photos, contacts, and documents?
4. Airline miles and credit card points: A formula or agreement on how to divide these valuable, often-overlooked assets.
5. Family recipes: A plan to copy or divide cherished family recipe boxes or books.
6. The "sentimental" art: Specific designation for the kids' artwork from kindergarten or that one painting you both bought on a special trip.
7. Garden and landscaping items: Who gets the beloved rose bushes, the expensive Japanese maple, or the custom-built planter boxes?
8. Intellectual property: If one of you wrote a book, a song, or created a business plan during the marriage, clarify who owns the rights.
9. The pet's supplies: It's not just who gets the dog, but who gets the custom orthopedic bed, the expensive crate, and the microchip registration details.
10. Club memberships and season tickets: How to handle buy-outs, transfers, or division of things like a golf club membership or season tickets for the local sports team.
Future-Proofing Your Co-Parenting Plan
A basic custody schedule is just the beginning. Kids grow and situations change, so your decree needs to anticipate the future to avoid constant renegotiation.
1. A "right of first refusal" clause: If a parent needs a babysitter for more than a specified number of hours (e.g., 4 hours), they must offer the time to the other parent first.
2. Specifics on introducing a new partner: A waiting period (e.g., 6 months of serious dating) before introducing a new significant other to the children, and a clause about overnight guests when the children are present.
3. College and higher education costs: Beyond just "we'll split it," specify percentages, caps, what costs are included (tuition, room, board, books, travel), and how you'll jointly decide on the school.
4. Driving and first car expenses: A clear agreement on who pays for driver's ed, the car, insurance, and gas for a teenage driver.
5. Extracurricular activity decisions: A method for agreeing on and paying for expensive activities like travel sports or music lessons, including a cap on the number of activities per season.
6. Travel and passport rules: Who holds the child's passport? How much notice is required for out-of-state or international travel?
7. Communication protocols: A requirement to use a co-parenting app (like OurFamilyWizard) for all non-emergency communication to keep conversations documented and business-like.
8. Medical decision-making: Beyond emergencies, how will you decide on major medical choices like braces, therapy, or elective procedures?
9. Guidelines for social media posting: An agreement about what is acceptable to post about the children and a promise not to post disparaging remarks about the other parent.
10. A plan for future disagreements: A clause requiring mediation before heading back to court for any future disputes.
Creating a Truly Clean Financial Break
This is about severing the financial ties completely to prevent future liabilities from creeping back into your life.
1. Closure of all joint accounts: A specific date by which all joint bank and credit card accounts must be closed, not just one person's name removed.
2. Responsibility for capital gains tax: If you sell the family home, specify exactly how the capital gains tax liability will be split.
3. Handling a tax refund or liability: An agreement on how to divide any tax refunds or pay any tax bills from the final year you file jointly.
4. Refinancing deadlines: A hard deadline by which the person keeping the house must refinance the mortgage to remove the other's name and liability.
5. Life insurance beneficiaries: A requirement that one or both parents maintain a life insurance policy with the children and/or ex-spouse named as beneficiary to secure child support or alimony payments.
6. Debt indemnity clause: A clause stating that each party is solely responsible for the debts assigned to them in the decree, and they must protect the other from any collections action.
7. Clarifying alimony terms: Specify if alimony ends upon remarriage *or* cohabitation, and define what "cohabitation" means.
8. Allocation of the child tax credit: Specify who gets to claim the children on their taxes each year (e.g., alternating years, or the parent with the higher income).
Setting Boundaries for Post-Divorce Peace
Your legal relationship is over, but your personal one may still have loose ends. Defining these boundaries in writing can save a world of emotional turmoil.
1. A non-disparagement clause: A mutual agreement not to speak or write negatively about the other parent in front of the children, on social media, or to mutual friends.
2. Communication with in-laws: An understanding about future communication and relationships with each other's families.
3. Handling mutual friends: An agreement to not put mutual friends in the middle or force them to "choose sides."
4. Physical boundaries at home: A clause stating that neither party can enter the other's home without explicit, advance permission. No more "just stopping by."
5. Return of personal property: A definitive list and a deadline for the final exchange of all personal belongings left in the marital home.
6. Defining "emergency" communication: A clear definition of what constitutes an emergency that warrants a phone call versus a non-urgent issue that can be handled via email or a parenting app.
7. Future name changes: If a party intends to revert to their maiden name, include it in the decree to make the legal process smoother.
8. Expectations for family events: How will you handle graduations, weddings, and eventually grandchildren? Agreeing to be civil and attend separately or together can prevent future drama.
The "What If?" Clauses: Planning for Life's Curveballs
Life is unpredictable. A strong decree anticipates potential changes and creates a roadmap for how to handle them without going back to court.
1. Relocation clause: A detailed plan for what happens if one parent wants to move more than a certain number of miles away, including how custody and costs would be adjusted.
2. Job loss or significant income change: A formula or process for temporarily or permanently modifying child support or alimony if a parent's income changes by a certain percentage (e.g., 20%).
3. Parental death: What happens to the children if the custodial parent passes away? While a will is important, a clause can reinforce the plan.
4. Parental disability or incapacitation: How will decisions be made and support be handled if one parent becomes seriously ill or disabled?
5. Remarriage and its financial impact: Clearly state how a new spouse's income will or will not be considered in future modifications of support.
6. Bankruptcy: A clause stating that obligations like child support and alimony are non-dischargeable in bankruptcy.
7. Review dates: A built-in requirement to review the decree with a mediator every 3-5 years or upon a major life event to make necessary updates.
8. Failure to comply: A clause that states if one party has to take the other to court to enforce the decree, the non-compliant party will be responsible for all legal fees.
### A Blueprint for Your New Beginning
Remember, this list is a starting point, not a substitute for professional legal advice. Every relationship is unique, and so is every separation. Take these ideas, circle the ones that resonate with you, and think about your own specific "what ifs" and "little things."
Use this to have a more thorough conversation with your lawyer. Your divorce decree isn't just an official ending; it's the blueprint for your new beginning. The more detail and forethought you put into it now, the more peaceful and stable that future will be. You've got this.